THE DREAM-CONSCIOUS STATE: A PERSONAL JOURNAL OF INNER EXPLORATION
Bruce G. MarcotJOURNALS -- PART TWO (1986-present)
Other Vivid Serial Dreams
Since my previous journal, I have had several serial dreams that have been intensely vivid in detail and sensation. These dreams were only occasionally or partially lucid (conscious). Still, their intensity and repetition demand that I recount a few of these series.
The caves.-- In one dream series -- consisting of perhaps a dozen or so (that I can recall) dreams occurring intermittently over 3 or 4 years or so -- I find myself approaching, entering, and exploring a series of caverns and tunnels. In these dreams, the caves and tunnels seem strikingly familiar, as if I had been there many times before and know them well.
In some of these dreams the entrance is preceded by travelling along a mountainous path or dirt road. Often the path or road is treacherous and winds along steep cliffs of large boulders. There are often big gaps or crevices in the path or road making travel dangerous. I am variously on foot (as with such a dream last night, on 5 January 1997) or on an off-road motorcycle or in a car with no brakes.The paths often lead down steep slopes to the cave entrance, and I traverse the area with confidence and familiarity. The caverns are always brown or gray, always poorly lit, not at all frightening but with a familiar feeling. It is more than nostalgia or remembrance of some caves I have actually visited. I might note that I have done a fair bit of spelunking over the years in many places across the country.
My interpretation of the cave dreams is that I am somehow remembering -- or at least reconstructing -- my birth experience or time in the womb. This sounds rather remarkable, but it feels absolutely right. In several dreams, the path to the cave descends between two large and steep hills (thighs?) and the cave entrance is where the hills join at the bottom of the ravine (vaginal opening?).
In some variations, the cave tunnels get progressively tighter and narrower until I am just barely squeezing through them, and then they get so small I cannot pass. I feel only a small degree of claustrophobia, and no fright. In my real life I have done much spelunking through many belly-crawl tunnels; but the dreams do not feel like simple remembrance of such experiences.
In some cave-dreams there are moving conveyor belts or escalators in the caves, as if I'm on some crazy fun house ride, and the passages get progressively narrower the deeper I go until I am wedged tightly in. In other dreams there are small barred windows along tunnels that allow me to peek into cavern rooms I cannot enter but which I know well.
But always there is this great sense of familiarity. I know this place. I know if I go down a particular tunnel, to a particular chamber, I will see certain formations or windows, or arrive at a particular location. And the sense of returning to the womb, or of this being a memory of the womb experience, really is rather intense.
The flood.-- In another dream series, more or less the same frequency and over the same time span as the cave dreams, I am suddenly faced with a tsunami wave or a river flooding its banks, and I am about to be engulfed, swept away, and drown.
Several of the dreams in this series have me at the beach and I witness the tide suddenly withdraw hundreds of yards offshore, and suddenly a huge tsunami ("tidal wave") appears and there is no where to escape. In some of these tsunami dreams I attempt to climb the shoreline cliff to get to high ground; I think in one dream I succeed and watch the huge wave crash below me, but usually it's a fruitless effort and the wave crests over me. In only one or two such dreams am I actually engulfed in the wave and waters. More usually I awaken or go to another dream.
In another variation, I am in the mountains or in an inland valley, and a river is suddenly cresting over its banks and surrounds me with raging whitewater; there is nowhere to run as the waters quickly advance faster than I can run.
The flood dream is disturbing. I am not particularly afraid of water, waves, or even floods. I've been in a number of flood situations before -- including flash floods in the Southwest, crumbling roads along rising rivers in northern China, and flooded roadways in low-lying coastal areas in Mexico and the U.S. -- and haven't particularly felt abject fear.
I am often frustrated when awakening from these dreams because I had been unable to achieve a lucid state so I can refute the dream image, the way I have done in other potentially-disturbing dreams. In the flood dream, as in most other perilous dreams, I always turn and face the danger. But this is not the same as being lucid.
I wonder what the flood dreams ultimately mean. It doesn't make sense. I've done a lot of snorkeling along many shores in many oceans, lakes, and seas. I've been on many exotic field expeditions along rushing rivers, on foot, and in many kinds of boats -- including riding Chinese Army boats up the Ussuri River along the Russian border ... paddling tipsy dugout canoes in the Upper Amazon ... boating the phosphorescent mangrove swamps at night in tropical Mexico ... dodging rushing torrents and debris in flooded rivers with local native guides in the Bikin River of the Russian Far East and in the Rio Negro of Ecuador ... wading swollen winter rivers in northern California to remote stands of redwoods, having to strip and ford the cold waters many times during the trek ... and other such real-world experiences.
A "New Age" explanation might say that in a previous life I drowned in a tsunami or river flood ... but who knows? Maybe I just have to get out of bed and urinate!
Flying.-- Ah yes, the perennial dreams of flying. I guess what might differentiate my life-long series of flying dreams is their logical progression. When I was perhaps in 6th or 7th grade I had my first very vivid (but not lucid) flying dream. I recall it clearly. Instead of walking along Terhune Drive (a busy highway) back in Wayne, New Jersey, to my school bus stop, I flew there. But I flew slowly and only a foot or two above the ground, as if I was just learning how to fly and trying it out. I was unsteady but elated at the dream-sensation.
In subsequent flight dreams over the next few years I grew bolder and progressively was able to master longer and higher and more controlled flights. Eventually, over the years, I have been able to fly at whim, especially in lucid dreams, and at great distances and speeds. I have had both nonlucid and lucid dreams in which I am flying at great altitudes -- perhaps a mile or two above the Earth's surface -- and at terrific speeds. In some of these intensely vivid dreams, the Earth is a beautiful green and blue inverted bowl beneath me as I hurl over land and water, once over European forests, once over the Florida keys, and elsewhere.
In other (nonlucid) dreams, it is dusk or night, and with great apprehension I am flying, trying to find my way through darkness with only occasional pinpoints of light far below. I am often fearful of hitting telephone wires and power lines as I descend, or find it difficult to ascend above them.
In my lucid dreams I can usually induce flying at will, although sometimes it degenerates to only a poorly controlled flight of low altitude, low speed, or lack of directional control as I bump into walls and such. At other times I am indoors, such as in a school corridor or gymnasium, and am flying along the ceiling, above the heads of people below.
The jam session.-- This is not so much a dream series as a remembrance of previous dreams, while dreaming (but not necessarily while lucid). I had one dream a few years ago in which I had sat in a jam session to play drums with a rock band in a nightclub. In real life, I had actually played drums in a rock band during my youth. It was a great, fun dream, and something I'd still like to do in real life.
Then, in later months and years, occasionally I have a dream, usually not lucid, in which I am presented with the opportunity to play with a rock band again (drums or other instruments). In these dreams I recall having spent a most enjoyable evening once sitting in with another band in another nightclub jam session. In the dream I do not recall that the memory is of another dream; it is, instead, as if I am recalling a real-life incident. Then, when I awaken -- and this has happened 2 or 3 times -- the memory of the previous dream is as if it was from real life; only slowly and with some effort do I recall that the "memory" of the earlier jam session had been from a previous dream and not from an actual event.
This has happened with one or two other dreams as well, not just the "jam session" dream. It is as if I truly had this "real" experience but in an alternate time or life or parallel world, and "this" reality does not include that historical fact but it does include the memory.
Real or dreamt?-- At times I can recall other specific scenes of places that I have visited -- but I am unsure if the visit was in real life during one of my many travels, or rather in a vivid or even lucid dream.
For example, there is one recollection I have of visiting a person's home off a country road somewhere. The home is partially a pottery studio. I can clearly remember following a flagstone path that wraps around the glassed-in studio portion of the home; two small sheds dot the yard on the other side of the path. I recall entering the studio with my wife and looking around. No one is there. Then we leave shortly without purchasing anything; there is not much there to see.
Was this place real or a recollection of some vivid dream I had? I think perhaps it is a real place that Carrie and I had briefly visited on the San Juan Islands of Washington State, but I'm just not sure. Usually I have a great memory of places I've seen, but this time I can't be certain.
There are a few other such locations or confused instances I can somewhat recall like this. I suppose this is not an uncommon condition. But this, plus the "jam session" dreams, reminds me that even my own recollection can be completely interwoven between dream and waking activities and remembrances. I need to take care in not allowing my memories to be false, and in continuing to record my experiences before too much time passes and memories blur.